I Am My Own Worst Enemy

Posted by on Saturday, December 29, 2012 · 17 Comments 

I had tea with a lovely new friend a few weeks ago. We talked about what it takes to live a full life, what holds us back, and how to get out of our own way so we can become the person we want to be.

He told me he realized years ago that he was his own worst enemy, his own worst critic, and his own biggest obstacle to achieving his dreams. He told me a story about how he has intentionally assembled a ‘delta force’ around himself….. colleagues, mentors, lovers and friends with whom he has explicitly developed support relationships to help him be the best version of himself. He called them his personal Board of Directors.

On predefined and agreed upon timetables, he touches base with these people and reflects upon how he’s doing across various domains of his life – how he’s engaging in his own self-care and self-renewal, how he’s doing as a husband, how he’s doing as a father and family member, how he’s contributing and giving back to the world at large, and the current projects he’s working on to cultivate these areas.

I found this idea of a peer mentorship team to be super exciting. (and it makes me wonder how many high-functioning people already have something like this in place.) Though I have caring relationships like these, I never thought to treat them as a chosen assembly of people that would become an infrastructure for my health and well-being. I’ve been evaluating my own weaknesses the last few weeks with honesty and vulnerability, and deciding who I will ask to help support me on life’s path.

Below (and in image above) is a poem/call to action he dictated during our chat, which I jotted down for future inspiration. Enjoy!

—

I am my own worst enemy.
I cannot protect myself from myself.
Unless I seek help, I will self-destruct.
I am a beautiful person,
I have the right to be happy,
And I must not take that right away from myself.
I need to give myself permission
To live a full life -
To soar,
To love unrestrictedly,
And to achieve as much as I dare.
I will find a support team whose mission is
To protect me from me.
Together, we’ll be able to unleash my soul.


Category: Uncategorized · Tags: , ,

venessa miemis

(256 posts)

  • capnmarrrrk

    Oddly enough though, while we are a system of competing urges, often needing to put physical roadblocks around us in order to thwart our baser ambitions, it was that very sentiment of “I am my own worst enemy” that caused me to leave Alcoholics Anonymous. Too many people in my groups seemed to be beaten down by this idea. “I am a Drunk who’s problem is insert name”.

    Having a Board of Directors in place is great way to live, but understanding we are a series of processes, vs one set Reality Tunnel of Self, allows us to better dance the landmines we place in our own life. It also helps to be more gentle with self and not be such a harsh taskmaster. It’s all about Balance.

    • http://twitter.com/VenessaMiemis Venessa Miemis

      for sure, and the things i need help with aren’t just how to prevent me from carrying out my ‘baser ambitions,’ but to learn how to give myself a break and have more fun. so i don’t want more taskmasters, but people who can help bring out the best in me.

  • http://cocreatr.typepad.com CoCreatr

    I hear you. Agree with the cap’n. It is about balance. If I heard you right you are evaluating your innate strengths as well, because they are many, and what we focus our energy on we achieve more readily.

    • http://twitter.com/VenessaMiemis Venessa Miemis

      definitely. i’m looking forward to applying myself in a lot of new ways this upcoming year.

  • http://www.facebook.com/flemming.funch Flemming Funch

    This is quite similar to the idea of a mastermind group. I’ve been experimenting with that recently. A small support group, meeting regularly, to support each other on projects.

    But maybe this goes further. Not just “businessy” projects, but also how we’re doing as a person.

    Most of us probably have some relationships already that are somewhat along those lines, but not quite. It makes all the difference to reframe it as a team, a Board of Director. The addition of an element of commitment changes everything. It isn’t just somebody I talk with once in a while. It is some people who won’t go away, even if I forget to call them. They’ll still be involved in how I’m doing.

    I’m thinking that the team doesn’t necessarily have to think of itself as a group, meeting at the same time. There are advantages to that, but it also makes it harder to arrange. One might possibly piece it together of individual relationships.

    • http://twitter.com/VenessaMiemis Venessa Miemis

      right. in the example above, the gentleman told me his board of directors consists of six people. one person is his wife, and they have chosen the same day every month for the past 31 YEARS (!!!!!) to have these discussions! two of the other members are his daughters, and he speaks with them once a month and asks how he can be a better father to them. another person is a lifelong mentor he’s had since his college days. and so on. he doesn’t literally gather them all at once for a board meeting, but rather has different people that help him reflect on different areas of his life.

      • http://cocreatr.typepad.com CoCreatr

        Nice. Remind me of the Delphi Method for forecasting.

  • samuelrose

    I feel like I have been extremely lucky to have these supports from various people my whole life. I grew up without much parenting. However, I had huge networks of friends and extended family, which just continues to grow over the years. And, somehow I’ve kept myself open to a degree to their support. So, my point in posting this is that I think you are right on. This is part of life. I’ve been burned many times, but also helped and sustained many times more than I’ve been “burned”. I hope I’ve also been able to reciprocate that back out to people over the years, and in the coming years.

  • Vital Systems

    What about…i’m my own best frenemy? I recall a quote/paraphrase from Ram Dass that with maturity you become a connoisseur of your own frailties and failings, embracing and transmuting them into fruitful paradox. Take some credit…for all the good that IS. Self-compassion, plus trust in emergence of the greater integrated whole through both effort, invention (play!), and acceptance.

    I imploded pretty excellently this year. Too much visible discrepancy between how i intended to be (self-image) and the internalized feedback on how I was actually functioning in the world/moment (self-esteem). Mess! Particularly dangerous for folks like me with control tendencies (strong mind coupled with perhaps a more flimsy will-power that seeks leverage where it may). Had some good personal support at key moments, even though I was generally inclined toward isolation and distrust.

    It all only recently culminated in one of the more surreal extended silent freakouts of my years, being stuck in a car with my intractable dad/nemesis for 18 hrs through a blizzard…on dec. 21 of all the unlucky stars :) A funny story to tell someday, at proper vintage. No really definitive drama or catharsis, but essentially I felt my face melt off in utter futile renunciation of this existence. Well, maybe not quite so dramatic. Just the final weighty installment of baggage/shadow/subconscious/history out into the light of day as a fertile planting ground, instead of a repressed dead-end sentence. I count myself lucky for the chance to face it in relatively safe and timely circumstance.

    I feel that, while it continues to evolve, i’m in the *process* of renormalization as my own best faithful guiding light. There will always be supporters in reach (many of them apparent strangers), it’s a matter of coming up with good questions or requests in order to activate rich insight (often, your own deeper knowing reflected back to you). You’ve already made the important choices that will launch your best possible future. Ride it out in style; game the edge…serve others genuinely…how radically honest, and inclusive, are we prepared to be?

    While processing, I picked up a few memorable aphorisms–including this little Quaker ditty: “Live up to the Light thou hast and more will be granted thee.”

    Some interesting, though slightly esoteric angles of possible value here: http://www.holisticeducator.com/spiritualemergence.htm

    Bless on as One (embracing multitudes~) Venessa! <B

  • http://twitter.com/jennrice Jennifer Rice

    Aren’t most of us? :-) I recommend a book called Your Own Worst Enemy by Kenneth Christian. Good stuff. I love the idea of a mastermind group, although it’s hard to find women who are on this path and really seeking to live out their fullest potential. You’ve given me the idea to scan blogs/twitter and perhaps I can assemble a virtual group! If you start one, please count me in… from what I’ve read so far (I just discovered you) we seem to have similar interests. All the best on your journey!

  • http://twitter.com/artbrock Arthur Brock

    This sort of mutual uplift, support and accountability is what I was hoping to create with you (and the others) when we were putting together the Emerging Leader Labs Source Team — a team that sources each other to be their best and supports each other’s success and self-expression.

    Not a board of directors just for Venessa, or for me, or for ELL, but actually for sourcing each other.

    The team may have become too project focused on ELL to sustain that context. But we could always give it another go.

  • Mark Adam

    I can tell you, as unpopular (or inconvenient) as it will be, the biggest enemy is not believing in evil. One must truly fight the battle of good and evil, otherwise the heart (actually the body) gets easily manipulated by the unseen. Evil makes good things look evil, and evil look good until you end up with a giant complacent world of “status quo” which can’t get anything done even to save itself. Not believing in evil will make you an enemy to the victim(s).

  • http://twitter.com/shakingtree Niels Schuddeboom

    You inspire as always – much more then I can keep up with to be honest and because I think it closely relates to what you write above, I’d like to share my little note with you on Re-engineering Expertise: http://checkthis.com/enod Best wishes for 2013 you & all!

  • http://www.facebook.com/justin.page.7399 Justin Page

    This is very cool. I like the idea of a personal board of directors. Venessa, I am always inspired by your posts. I am inspired by your courage online to be vulnerable and honest! You are one of my favorite writers/ curators of content. Happy new year!

  • http://www.patientplus.com muratcannoyan

    I guess it would be important to have people that know you well enough to help you get out of your own way but I do wonder if they are the best equipped to. Having people that are not as emotionally invested might make for more honest feedback.
    Not that it’s impossible to get great feedback from loved ones but there is so much on the line I suspect most people would temper their observations, and maybe thats OK.

    Thanks for the post?

  • http://twitter.com/jazzmann91 Scott Lewis

    i am my own enemy, until i surrender the owning of my self.

    when i give my self to others, there are no enemies.

  • Jokas

    that’s like we have two personality in one body right? That what I feel struggle with my self.