this post is a departure from the usual content of this blog. below is a paper i wrote for a Psychology of Women course as part of my undergraduate work. it’s highly personal, and deals with everything – sex, love, family, abuse, relationships. it’s about women, strength, and empowerment. i’m posting it because…. well, because i can. because it’s part of my growth. because i’m not ashamed of my life. both my parents are dead now, so i don’t think they’ll mind. if you’re uncomfortable with reality, be prepared. this is what you could call a “Big Share.”

in honor of my mother, Catherine. happy mother’s day. and thanks.

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Two or Three Things I Know For Sure

I lost my virginity when I was 19 years old. I didn’t love him. I don’t know if he loved me, and I didn’t really care. I didn’t do it for him or even because of him – I did it for me. I was tired of waiting. Sex was so built up, and I didn’t want to wait anymore for that man of my dreams that would never come. It wasn’t special or mind-blowing when it finally did happen. There were no rockets or fireworks. I think we went out for Chinese that night, then went back to his dormitory. I was lying on his bed with my hands behind my head, looking at the posters haphazardly tacked up on the walls. Continue reading →

Over the past few days, several posts and conversations have led me to reflect on what it means to be a woman in today’s society, and where we’re going from here. I’d like to share my thoughts. Let me just give a little overview of what’s been happening:

A few days ago, NYU professor and media researcher Clay Shirky wrote a post titled A Rant About Women, which has ruffled some feathers and sparked a lot of commentary in response. Here’s a few clips from his rant:

And it looks to me like women in general, and the women whose educations I am responsible for in particular, are often lousy at those kinds of behaviors, even when the situation calls for it. They aren’t just bad at behaving like arrogant self-aggrandizing jerks. They are bad at behaving like self-promoting narcissists, anti-social obsessives, or pompous blowhards, even a little bit, even temporarily, even when it would be in their best interests to do so.

Now this is asking women to behave more like men, but so what? We ask people to cross gender lines all the time.

It’s tempting to imagine that women could be forceful and self-confident without being arrogant or jerky, but that’s a false hope, because it’s other people who get to decide when they think you’re a jerk, and trying to stay under that threshold means giving those people veto power over your actions.

I don’t want to manipulate the tone of the piece by pulling those quotes out of context, but they were the ones that stood out most to me. I interpreted much of what he said as a call for women to do more lying and self-promotion in order to get ahead in society. Whether his intention was to make a statement about the disparity caused by the system, or the failure of women to play by its rules, I don’t know. You can read his full post here and decide for yourself.

Having tried to contact Shirky in the past myself, I felt compelled to respond. Here is the comment I left on his post: Continue reading →